Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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