I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
