New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
