I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
