So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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