New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
