I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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