Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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