i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
