I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
