you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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