also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
