How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
