The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
