Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize