I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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