i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
