dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
