it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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