I could make wine with my vomit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
