my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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