we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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