3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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