apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
