i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
