I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
