He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
