They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
