we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I will be naked everywhere
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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