Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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