i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
