I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he fucked my hip out of place.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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