history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
