my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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