Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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