i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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