he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
