Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
