this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
