my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
