my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize