Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
