Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
