she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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