So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dick very happy bro
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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