'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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