if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize