we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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