When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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