no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
