What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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