It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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