Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
