y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
