And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
