He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
