You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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