just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
