if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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