you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
