too bad you live with your parents still
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize