I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
